Week seven: judgy, judgy

I don’t want to be one of “those” girls. Picky and difficult. Then again maybe “those” girls only exist in movies.

I’ve always had that Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally thing about me - being allergic to dairy and lettuce and a host of other things makes it difficult already but now no rice, pasta, potatoes? I feel even more picky…or just a bit self-conscience.

This is obviously a thing with me and food. I just realized right this second: I think people are judging me when I eat. When I’m bigger, I think people are looking at me as I eat a bag of crisps and think “should she really be eating that?” And now I think they’re looking at me as a difficult, picky and obnoxious person. I’m not sure what to do with that information really.

The eating and the moving part

Other than my psychological ephiphany, food is going good but all my brain work at my new job is tiring me out to the point I’m not hungry. I try my best to eat regularly and for the most part succeed. Thank god for our super healthy cafeteria.

Exercise is not so good. Getting on the bike but I’ve sometimes only put in 20 minutes. Not great but this means I have to plan better. I have to start running next week or I’ll never be marathon ready! Any tips on how to get motivated? I know once I put a few weeks in I know I can get into it.

The awkward me

The food thing really makes me think of how I am when meeting people. I’m great meeting new people - can chat about anything - but when faced with telling if someone likes me, I’m fairly oblivious. My friend back home finds this hilarious. I assume as I’m nice to everyone, that everyone is just being nice back.

On the flip side, I don’t like to draw attention to myself. Though I do have a bit of my own flair, I do like to dress up according to what the place/ situation demands. Being a chameleon makes me feel like I belong and makes it easier for people where I am to relate to me.

This means I’m also horrible at the “locked eyes across the bar” kind of thing. And yes, I know, people only know you’re interested if you actually look at them, or smile, or go up to them. But I find it something I avoid. Its embarrassing for me. Happy to talk to a friend of a friend or meet people in a group, but the uncertainty of strangers when related to a potential dating situation? The sad thing is, I don’t realize I’m doing it most of the time.

It leaves me in a place where I’m thought to flirting when I’m just being me and then when I think someone’s cute, I’ll avoid them or become a bumbling idiot. Anyone else feel that way?

This week’s results

This week I’ve lost 2 pounds and a half inch here and there. People are beginning to notice and the miraculous trying on of the jeans that didn’t fit for years. Yep. They fit.