We have nothing to fear

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About stuff. Ya know - what I’m going to do with the rest of my life after I’m done with - ahem - school - stuff like that. Right now the ugliest monster in my closet has to be my STUDENT LOAN. So evil it has to go in capitals. Now I know what you’re thinking…why in the hell am I thinking about student loans while I’m still a student? Well number one… they scare the hell out of me; number two - they scare the hell out of me; number three - look, I could go on and on.

The thing is, I never thought about it before. Never. Not once. And I mean that - no loan talk ever filled the vacuous space between my ears. Now I’m a semester (and a bit) away from the end and what can I look forward to? Twenty -eight thousand in debts escalating at an annual rate of prime +2.5 % (which will end up being the price of a small country when I’m done) AND a lovely official piece of paper that will keep me warm for about 30 seconds upon being burnt in my garbage can in the middle of winter after they’ve cut off my hydro. Well, well, well. No guarantees. No stability. Just student loans.

I tend to get pissed off about student loans a lot. Now those of you who have one will know about this stuff. Or maybe not. Now for the first time in four years when applying for these beasts of burden, students have to submit their parent’s income. This gets calculated for or against you. I’m really ‘lucky.’ My parents are dirt poor. Macaroni has always been a staple in our house. Yep - I’ve never had liver, or meatloaf, or brussel sprouts. We couldn’t afford it. So incidentally I get a fucking huge loan to compensate. I’m like a fat kid in the candy shop - and I can say that because I know what it’s like - I used to be that darn kid who terrorized all the local corner shops. Budget? What’s that? I’ve got 5,000 dollars! Let’s rip shit up! I’m proud to say that I did not immediately go to my nearest Honda dealership and put a down payment on some death trap but then again I’m not sure how I spent it all. Money in the bank Monday…gone Tuesday or Wednesday if I’m lucky.

But I did need the money. And I haven’t lived at home since I was 17…AND I still had to include my parent’s income for four years past graduation from high school. What a load of shit. I don’t even live with them. And what if we were estranged? Then I wouldn’t get it at all. Arghh! Policy. I felt bad for those who couldn’t get a loan because of their parents. This is not fair. They are considered adults by law - voting, drinking, buying lottery tickets - yet they can’t get a student loan without their parents involved and it’s not even them, it’s their money. My mom filled out one line and signed it. What about those kids who live in the poverty of middle classes. Sure it looks like their parents make a lot of money but after mortgages, car payments, etc, etc., there is no money left. No hard cash to support their child going to school especially if it’s in a different city. I mean the costs are enormous. This happened to a friend of mine. He got accepted into a school in Calgary but he couldn’t get a loan because his parents made too much. Now? Now he’s doing graveyard construction work. Mmmmm…mmmmm tar. Does the body good.

Fine. I understand the system is in place to help those poor schmucks who can’t afford school (or a brand new car…) on their own. But none of the ramifications are pushed home until AFTER you’re done your 2, or 3, or 7 years of school.

Student- Ahem…hi. I was wondering what program I should be in?

Councillor- Well, what are you interested in?

Student- Um…I live movies and art history. Maybe English…but not really.

Councillor- Great! Then you’d love our 5 year combined art and film studies degree. Just sign here. We’ll make sure your class schedule won’t accommodate any kind of job that’s over $3 / hour. But don’t worry. At the end of the 5 years, you’ll be analyzing how the colour of a Wendy’s wrapper affects the consumer as you flip burgers and talk about the latest Scream movie with your 16…year…old supervisor. After that, you can look forward to bussing 3 hours to the office buildings you clean on the graveyard shift and 3 hours back. Then you’ll be home in time to drop off your 6 kids at school/ day…care/ mom’s house (if you’re lucky but don’t count on it) and argue for an hour or two with your significant other before getting your average hour and a half of sleep. Maybe in fifteen years you’ll have paid off your student loan as long as you don’t forfeit or miss a payment. If you do, you’ll be marked as the credit bureau and have ‘bad credit’ - an R9 in creditor speak and will be unable to get a loan or credit card for at least 6 years or so. Congratulations…this is the rest of our life.

Student- Uh…thanks.

Why don’t they just say ‘do you realize that in this profession you will be paying X number of dollars in student loans per month when you’re finished?’ Or even tell you what with this amount of student loans, you will be paying this amount of money? I will have to pay student loan payments of five hundred dollars for the next 9 and a half years of my life. Unless I marry a prince, that ain’t gonna happen. I could always break my back in a ‘fall’ and get my loans forgiven but I don’t feel like being paralyzed for life. There are a lot of programs to help you with your loans. That’s great but once they’re done, they’re done. And if those programs don’t apply to your situation, then too bad for you. Your loans will be forwarded up the chain until you are sent to a creditor and the loan is written off. And I thought about filing for bankruptcy…Oh, sorry. Out of luck. You can’t file for ten years to clear your loan from creditors AKA the entire life of your loan. Great. Just great. Now aren’t you glad you’re in school? I sure am…