Ouch...hot stuff coming through

Do you know what is hotter than hot? Hotter than the molten sun and the firey surface of Mercury put together? One would think:

a) Steam from a newly boiled kettle
b) A Phaal curry
c) The top of the grill when you accidently touch it

But no. It’s none of the above. The hottest thing in the world is…..(drum roll)

McDonald’s Hot Apple Pie filling. Yes. No matter how I try to go about eating them, the hot lava filling seems to spill onto my chin and cause 5th degree burns (yes, that’s right, 5th degree - 3rd degree’s just too pussy for this killer filling).

Now I know what you’re going to say…”But the box says Contents: Hot” but hot is an understatement. Un-der-statement. It should say “pure molten filling - don’t eat for at least 1 hour after buying if you ever want to taste food again.” Then again, who would ever follow those instructions - the tasty goodness is too tempting. The dilema is so over-whelming and….damn. Not so much damn as it’s a dilema but rather damn as a “damn. I’m going to have to get my butt off the couch and get me some apple pie.” Ouch. Hot stuff coming through.

Mice : the facts

Yesterday, looking down into the bowels of the tube, I realized I had not seen my favorite little creatures - the tube mice - for a long long time. These little cuties seem to mostly come out at night and scurry along the platform or along the tube line as pictured here:

So I thought I’d list all the things that I know about mice and creatures similar to them as an ode to the tube mice I no longer see.

1) Grade 4/5: I had a rat we called Chuck. I know a rat is not a mouse but it was cute and black and white and had a long tail. I’m not sure why I wanted a rat per se but I think it had to do with my obsession with the Secret of Nimh. I LOVED that movie. When I’d clean out it’s cage, I’d stick it in the sink in the bathroom but it started to get out of there quite easily so I moved him into the bathtub. Soon that didn’t work either as, I’m not sure if anyone else knows this, but rats can sure jump. They can jump fricken high! Chuck was a champion jumper.

Chuck was also the smartest rat ever. He used to escape his cage on a regular basis. I’d hear him scurry across the floor, and scramble up the back of my chest of drawers. We’d find him in the morning, sleeping in our underwear or by our socks. This also meant that poo got everywhere…oh chuck…

Chuck also had a fondness for eating everything. He ate my sisters PJs that were set to close to his cage, he ate the bottom out of my glow in the dark Halloween goodie bag and he’d regularly bite my mom when she tried to feed him. Well, she gave the food so I bet he thought she just was it.

In college, I wrote a poem for the aforementioned pet of mine. My instructor thought it was about the rat race. I think she was shocked when I told her it was actually about a rat. Here it is for your veiwing pleasure (this is my friend Joe’s favorite poem):

Cheese Cheese Cheese
The Rat runs in circles
Up the dresser and down
Across the floor and back
Whiskers twitching
His nose smells the cheese in the trap
His thick knotted tail swings
Creeping and twitching forward
Heedlessly sliding towards a grisly death
The trap snaps shut
His brittle twig spine cracks
The skin h
an
gs
The nerves pu-l-s-ate
Until the Rat is no more

Does he still dream of cheese?

Unfortunately our favorite pet was taken back to the shop when we made the trek back to Alberta from Saskatchewan. Mom said Alberta had a rodent free policy. I think she just didn’t want to be bitten by an oversized rat anymore. Why we called him Chuck? If you ever sang the name game song, you’d know why…”Chuck, Chuck, bo buck, banana fanna fo f—” ahem. Kids will do anything to be naughty.

2) Grade 11 : My dad took my sister and I on our biggest trip ever - Disney World in Orlando, Florida! Yes, the house of the most famous mouse ever. My sister and I stood in line in his house to get an autograph. I of course was just there to keep her company even though I, uh, um, had my own autograph book. When we got to the front of the queue, Mickey kissed my hand and pointed to the picture of Minnie and did the finger on lips “Shh…it’s our little secret” symbol. I actually turned red. What a randy little mouse! AND my dad took a picture. I don’t know where it is right now, but the image will be forever burned in my brain.

3) 1st year uni : I was working at an historical park in Edmonton, AB (Fort Edmonton was it’s name-o) and I was on 1885 street. I ran the little covered wagon and the men loved to take pictures of me in my ankle length dress as I chopped wood. It was an interesting summer. As the place was old, they had mice. Unfortunately, there are this certain type of mice that leave poisenous poo. Yes! Poo that can kill. Of course, I don’t like the idea of dying and so it’d freak me out to go into any of the back buildings in fear of discovering the poo that could kill and accidently inhaling the dust and dying. As you may realize, I survived.

4) 1st solo apartment ever : I lived in a studio apartment. It was cool. I had my own tea pot. I had a great big lovely couch I got given to me and I’d lounge on it while I played my guitar to the sound of the rain outside. It was the spring where all I listened to were Coldplay and Sarah Harmer (listening to those albums remind me of rain to this day). You know what I also had? Mice. Not just mice but secret radio-active, human brain-powered mice. They were smart. Verrrrrry smart. My landlord gave me “humane” traps. I set them out. They ran around them. They were everywhere, I could hear them in the walls, see them streaking under my computer desk, see that they were in my cupboards. And then, I found evidence one was in my bed. I gave notice immediately.

5) 1st week in London: I was living in Camden. I saw glowing eyes. I saw a rat. It was black and UG-ly. It did not remind me of Chuck.

6) Some random night in the tube : I saw my first tube mouse. It was so tiny. I watched some girl freak out as it ran towards her feet. I thought…Those suckers sure are cute. I guess all must be good in the world…

2 years and counting...

OK. OK. This is a long way away, I know….but I have to say it now. We’re going on a……drum roll….ROAD TRIP. Yep. Summer 2008, some special ladies (not sure of who’s all in yet - but it’s such a good idea, how could anyone resist) will be jumping in an RV in Halifax to make our way across Canada to end in Vancouver. That’s right - across the WHOLE country. With 3 weeks of freedom on our backs, we’ll hit every province (except Newfoundland - it’s just not on the way - sorry Newfies! It doesn’t mean we don’t love you!), stay with friends, park on roadsides and sleep in the back, see enough prairies to last our lifetime.

What’s the most exciting of course, is that I’m going to be able to tick off a number of my items on my to-do list such as:

51) Go on a road trip
54) See Anne of Green Gables house in PEI
55) Follow the transcanada across the county
87) Visit my mates in Vancouver/ victoria

I may even be able to:
52) Watch the sunrise
53) Go on a hike
59) Go camping and watch the stars
67) Do yoga on the beach
82) Go whitewater rafting
92) Go Kayaking
94) Go apple picking

It’s freak-in awesome. And it’s 2 years away. £50 a month for 2 years…and it’s golden. Yes - I’m excited already….I just can’t help it! I get excited about things. And we’ll make sure to document the whole thing. Who knows, I may be able to get a travel story published afterwards. Not that everything is about the list, but it’s fun.

A Girls Guide to Hunting and Fishing

I just finished reading this book - I actually started last night and finished this morning, so you know it’s a good read. The book is an accumulation of short stories that lead you through the life of Jane from her 14 year old self to that of an adult. Steller stuff. What really got me was the last story and Jane’s following of a book similar to “The Rules” - the book that helps you bait and catch a man.

There’s a point when Robert turned to her and said “At the wedding, you seemed different from…from who you turned out to be. (There) you were really funny and smart and open. You were out there.”
Jane asks,”Who did I turn out to be?”
"Like someone from high school," he says. "Or I felt like I was in high school and I was going after you. Like I had to earn you or win you or something."

I read that I thought about guys I dated and about past relationships, yadadee, yada, yada, and I realized that some of those guys were still following those high school rules. That if they didn’t get the chase, that they didn’t really see the woman. I was told once that there wasn’t enough mystery for long enough, that there wasn’t a long enough dating period, (And though in this book, datey dates are refered to as “being asked out, with notice,” I think that just meant to go out whenever the guy feels like it.), that all that should last at least a year (what? I say - What? That’s crazy talk…but I digress).

Now after reading this book, I think what’s with the games. Why does there have to be this waiting period, this holding back? Of course I’m not going to give a full gynocological break-down of my past on the first date, but you wouldn’t do that with your friends either. But things come out slowly as you get to know each other - my deepest, darkest secrets take awhile to surface but the rest of my life is up for grabs. I like to talk. And I like to share. I didn’t when I was five but I do now.

All of this makes me realize is that it’s those guys that haven’t grown up. No matter how much they think they have (“I pay the mortgage” “I have a real job…with prospects”), they still want to be with the head cheerleader, the elusive girl that no one can touch. And that involves the circling, the plotting, the preying. I’m not in high school anymore. I don’t just want to be the prey. As Melissa Banks says to end the story and this book: “Both of us are hunters and prey, fishers and fish. We are the surf ‘n’ turf special with fries and slaw. We are just two mayflies mating on a summer night.”

That’s what I want.

Overheard conversations

Her: You’re never around
Him: I’m working
Her: I just think you’re always gone for so long that you’re seeing over women
Him: You think I’m cheating?
Her: Mayb- I don’t know.
Him: I don’t want to see your face.
Her: No don’t go. I don’t want it to end this way. I love you.

It made me think…is there ever a good way to end it?

101 things in 1001 days

OK so this is a list of things that I will complete (aka TRY to complete) in the next 1001 days. That’s 3 years people so let’s get cracking. A couple of them are ongoing but I tried to make them all one offs. That way you know if you’ve finished them. When I am done one I’ll put it in bold so you can see that I’ve been a good girl. I’m excited actually! There’s lots of things I always wanted to do but put off. Now I’m going to have to do them…you all are watching, aren’t you?

NOTE (8 February, 2009): I know that I’ve done some of these things but I can’t remember the dates so I’m going through and just bolding and putting a star by the ones I have done and don’t know the date as I haven’t updated this for awhile…

1) Enter a contest every two months for a year
2) Make a short film [March 1, 2007: This is the date I was asked to have “The Night Before” filmed but it should be in my hot little hands by September…woohoo!]
3) Get a travel story published [November, 2008: I’m going to count my Canadian in England Podcast called “How I Ended up on a Small Island” on http://peopletalk.libsyn.com/]
4) Learn to surf [January 12, 2007: I was on Bondi beach and I was body surfing…I know it’s not standing up but I thought that’s pretty close…I’ll do it standing up too, I promise!]
5) See the Sphinx and the Pyramids (in their natural setting)
6) Ride the London Eye [August 10, 2006: My fam were here and we finally did it! Horrah. it was ok…]
7) Spend Christmas with my family [December 25, 2006 : Arrived home right on Christmas Day and my family was waiting for me for lots of hugs. Ahhhh Christmas!]
8) Go to Australia [January 5 - 15, 2007 : I was there babeee!]
9) See a play in the amphatheatre in Greece (or just see it if no plays are on)
10) Throw a dinner party [June, 2008: My guests got sick and other replacement guests came but it still happened and was all home made! Thank you to Jamie Oliver for his inspiring recipes on TV]
11) Produce my “house” show
12) Learn how to pole dance
13) Re-take up yoga
14) Organize my room [June 15, 2006 : done and dusted]
15) And keep it that way for 3 months (minimum)…
16) Throw away things I don’t need immediately (for a month)
17) Get 8 hours of sleep once a week for 4 weeks
18) Host/ co-host/ guest host a radio show
19) Write a novel
20) Get an agent [May 15, 2007: The lovely Michelle Arnold from Dench Arnold is my agent…and she is trying to get me a good deal on my film.]
21) Go to the Venice mask festival
22) Knit a scarf
23) Make a quilt
24) Enter everyone’s birthday into my calender with their e-mail addresses
25) E-mail my friends on their birthday for one year
26) Say no to going out when I want to stay home and veg (the first time is always the hardest!) at least 3 times. [Feb, 2009: Not sure when I officially completed the three but I did it on Friday so it’s well over three]
27) Buy new sexy sleepwear just for me (mmmm….satiny) [29 June, 2006 : Bought two satiny numbers and a new robe that reflects that satiny nature. Now when my ex gives me back my stuff, it’ll be a complete set! And no…I’m not posting pictures]
28) Grow a windowbox and keep it alive. [24 June, 2006 : I walked my pretty little self over to homebase and got myself some dirt, a long green pot and a couple lavender plants. It’s all set up outside my window - now let’s hope it helps me sleep!]
29) Perform in New York
30) Send my play “home” to all the theatre companies in Canada
31) Get my masters [September, 2008: Got my MA with Distinction in Plays and Scripts. Woohooooo! Now all I have to do is have the official graduation which is IN MAY!]
32) Teach a college class/ workshop [November, 2008 : I taught a screenwriting class for the now defunct The South in Brighton]
33) Bake the Vegetarian version of a steak and kidney pie that I saw on TV [February, 2009: I’ve now lost the recipe. But I’ve made tons of other things from TV especially for my dinner party so that should count, right?]
34) Try meditation
35) Pay off one credit card [20 January, 2007 : All credit Cards paid off. Wahay!]
36) Learn how to drive stick
37) Drive a car in England [January, 2009: Drove for the first time in seven years. In London. In rush hour. I thought I was going to die…]
38) Go to a twenties night and dance as a flapper
39) Teach writing in Australia
40) Go to the Austin International Poetry festival
41) Ride a cable car in San Fransisco [15 January, 2007 : Me and Kobrinsky rode all the way to the Fisherman’s Wharf. Awesome!]
42) See the Golden Gate bridge [15 January, 2007 : It was in the distance and I got pictures to prove it]
43) Go tobagganing [31 December, 2006 : Jonathan, Leah and I joined Olivier on the slopes and we had a grand, though bruising time. Ouch it hurts]
44) Make a snow angel [31 December, 2006 : I witnessed it from inside a hottub in a snowy backyard. I made the person do it in leiu of me. I’m counting it!]
45) Build a snowman (or a fort if there is enough snow) [February, 2009: I made a snowwoman with Sara in Clapham Common! How awesome and unexpected is that?]
46) Answer my e-mails when I get them and then file them for one month
47) Go to the dentist [September 14, 2006 : Teeth cleaned, no cavities. Wa-hay!]
48) Do all the exercise videos in my house at least once as a reminder that they are not just pretty boxes to look at.
49) Visit a castle [August 13, 2006: Went to the Tower of London. It is a castle and then a jail. Oooo fancy. And I saw the crown jewels. Exciting…and sparkly!]
50) Get kick ass prescription hayfever medicine [29 June, 2006 : I picked it up but I have not given it a try yet. But I know it will be the ticket to sleep-filled nights. Go antihistamine!]
51) Go on a road trip [25 - 30 December, 2006 : We travelled all over Alberta to see relatives…so tired.]
52) Watch the sunrise
53) Go on a hike [14 January, 2007 : Hiked in the Blue Mountains in Katoomba - the Prince Henry Cliff Walk. A beautiful one though a couple bobtails gave me a fright!]
54) See Anne of Green Gables house in PEI
55) Follow the transcanada across the county
56) Conquer my fear of dogs
57) Get allergy shots [14 June, 2007: Starting with the dog shots. Fingers crossed I’ll be allergy free one day soon!]
58) Reorganize fianances so I have a budget!
59) Go camping and watch the stars
60) Take one night/ day off to myself a week for a month
61) Say no to 3 things I want to do but shouldn’t
62) Hang out with Melissa’s new baby Danielja [30 December, 2006 : Gave her the cutest jumper and took TONS of pics! Cutest. Baby. Ever!]
63) Set up a friend and family e-mail list (to send out once a month) [22 December, 2006 : Even sent my Christmas message out…]
64) Stop chewing my nails [22 September, 2006 : Once I got fake nails, I stopped chewing…the nail part at least.]
65) Get a manicure/ pedicure [September 9, 2006 : My birthday - gave myself a manicure and a new set of gel nails. They are soooo pretty. Now I need a pedicure.]
66) Do a residential writing course
67) Do yoga on the beach (mmm…hawaii)
68) Volunteer for something even if it’s for a day
69) Stop paying for things I don’t use [February, 2009: I finally got rid of all extra payments. Some of them for a rediculous amount of time.]
70) Finish the short film script for Atif [30 March, 2007 : “Phone Card” done and dusted.]
71) Lose 10 pounds
72) Buy new mascara [2 December, 2006 : Yay Superdrug.]
73) Go to Ladies day at Ascot
74) Make a dress
75) Don’t look in the mirror for a day
76) Take part in buy nothing day
77) Smile at 5 people on the tube in one day
78) Have a Godfather marathon complete with Spaghetti [January, 2007 (I think): It was linguine but I think that’s not the point. ]
79) Take a snowboarding lesson (one last try!)
80) Give my unwanted stuff to charity [30 July, 2006 : Did it. Clothes in a bag to charity. Unfortunately so went one of my red shoes and my orthopedic insoles that cost me $300 5 years ago. Maybe I better keep a better eye out in future]
81) Go to Kew Gardens
82) Go whitewater rafting
83) Organize my filing cabinet
84) See FooFighters live
85) Visit my great aunt in Lincolnshire
86) See a Wimbledon match
87) Visit my mates in Vancouver/ victoria
88) Take a milk bath
89) Try a class about psycic ability
90) Have my fortune told [16 June, 2007 : had my palm read. I will live a happy fruitful life]
91) Learn how to do a backflip
92) Go Kayaking [7 January, 2007 : We all went paddling in a canoe - some call it a Kayak.]
93) Do a strip tease
94) Go apple picking
95) Have a treasure hunt
96) Play Manhunt
97) See the coral reef
98) Take Becky out for a drink (she’s 18 now!) [30 December, 2006 : She got the girliest drink ever - Monkey’s Lunch and she didn’t like it. But at least a drink was had!]
99) Meet Corb Lund
100) See Death Cab for Cutie live
101) Have a full-length play produced [4 February, 2007 : Full length radio play “Prisms” on Resonance FM]

Wow. 101 things! I can’t believe it…I actually did it. Well, I wrote the list. Now it’s all about the doing. Wish me luck!

What was I thinking about?

So….I was going to write a really great blog entry, honestly. I was watching this odd assortment of people playing in a band (there was a guy who could’ve been off Teachers, another that might’ve been from “That Thing You Do” and the spitting image of the oriental guy who sat in the front row of my math class complete with the glasses, bowl cut and khakis) and I was thinking of various topics whilst watching their 4 fans sing along at the front. One even came and joined them on the mic. Such devotion was AWESOME. So awesome that all of my good ideas are gone from my head and will have to be recorded another day. If I can remember. Maybe they weren’t that important or funny or witty or…whatever it could be that would inspire multiple reads.

Instead I thought I’d copy the idea of making a list of 101 things in 1001 days. I like the idea of that. I bet it’s harder than I think. Here goes nothing!

The wisdom of blogs

My friend sent me a tasty tidbit today from the blog Ultratart. Sometimes things are so obvious but you don’t see it…I love learning new things. Yes. Boys are not math problems. I now know. (if that sentance confused you - click on the link above…then it will become oh so clear)

Songs you should sing out loud

Here’s a little game via Alice.

The Rules

Step 1: Put your iPod/MP3 player or iTunes on random.

Step 2: Post the first line(s) from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.

Step 3: Post it on your blog and let everyone guess what song and artist the lines come from.

Step 4: Update the list with the song title when someone guesses correctly. (I will identify any unguessed songs by next week some time.)

Step 5: Make your guesses by leaving a comment or sending me email. You have to identify both title and artist, and you’re not allowed to Google any of these, either!!

1. In a forest of stone underneath a corporate canopy where the sun barely filters down [Kobrinsky: “Not So Soft” by Ani Difranco]

2. My girl’s a lier but I’ll stand beside her

3. I don’t mind the weather

4. Walked around my good intentions and found that there were none [Brad: “4 am” by Our Lady Peace]

5. There’s a man going round taking names [Brad: “The Man Comes Around” by Johnny Cash]

6. Hey can you coat everyday to suit your affairs

7. We’re drinking and we’re dancing and the band is really happenin’

8. Glamourous indie rock and roll is what I want [Lindsay: “Glamourous indie rock and roll” by The Killers]

9. When she goes storming out, I run for cover

10. I’m gonna shine up my boots, I’m gonna go into town [Sarah: “(Gonna) Shine up my boots” by Corb Lund Band (go Edmonton!)]

11. Open my eyes; Had a dream last night that both my arms were broken.

12. When I think of those east end lights, muggy nights

13. When I was sitting waiting wishing you believed in superstitions

14. I have a recurrent dream everytime I lose my voice

15. If I look down this room, it’s not so old I’d move

16. Good-bye Norma Jean [Alice: “Candle in the Wind” by Elton John]

17. 2 am, she calls me cause I’m still awake [Gwen: “Breathe” by Anna Nalick (though Gwen didn’t give the correct artist, it’s a hard one so I’m giving it to her. Plus it’s my fav song at the moment)]

18. Take some dried up ball point, lemon juice and water

19. Good and bad I swear I’ve had both

20. This is the last time that I will say these words

OK…some are obvious but alot are obscure…goooooood luck!! No cheating…

Hockey Night in Canada!

It’s the Stanley Cup! The Stanley Cup! The 7th game and my team (the Edmonton Oilers or the Oil as I like to call them) are in it to win it! Other than the team being Canadian nothing else is - the game is not in Canada as it is in Carolina and I’m not watching it in Canada as I am in London.

The breakdown (in GST)

1:25 - Some girl sings both national anthems badly. When the word red comes up in the Star Spangled Banner - everyone shouts it out. Why? I don’t know but the crowd sure seemed excited.

1:30 - Game starts (I think). I was in my bedroom organising something or other as I was trying to escape from the awful singing.

Between 1:30 and 1:56 - There is a goal by Carolina. Boo. Boo I say. Ummm. I missed it. Not sure what I was doing.

1:56 - There is a big controversy with much watching and rewatching of video playbacks. There was an attempted goal but it was “frozen” in the crease by an Edmonton player. Maybe. There are many phone calls being made. It’s tense. But not quite sitting on the edge of your seat kind of thing.

2:01 - Resolved. Nothing happened. But they sure did like making those phone calls.

2:17 - Fighting my need for sleep. Have resorted to filing my non-existance nails to keep me awake as I wait for period 2 to start. Yawn!

Between 2:22 and 2:29 - Went to the bathroom. Missed Carolina score another goal. Com’on boys!!! Get on top of it!

From 2:30 to 3:30 - I have a nap. I’m not made of steel am I…

3:52 - Empty net goal…it is 3 - 1. We have lost. I am crying on the inside. And falling asleep on the outside. First time in 16 years we have made it this far.

Queen’s We are the Champions is playing as the Stanley Cup is paraded around the ice by the Carolina Hurricanes. My team is in the box their head in their hands. A piece of my heart is breaking. The Stanley cup isn’t coming home this year.

Sunday night blues...

It’s that time again. Sunday night. Do any of you get Sunday night blues? Of course you do. I would probably bet my…um….computer, vegetarianism and my little brother on this fact. Unless you were home schooled. One would think that as your home IS your school that Sunday night blues was an every night occurance. But tonight I have it. All day my flatmate and I have been painting so I would assume that is why I’m feeling this way. My weekends gone to making the house paint-a-lisious and I’ve had no sleep due to dancing my ass off to British indie music at my favorite little dancing establishment the garage last night until 4am. (which is sadly having 3 months off to renovate - renovate? Who needs to renovate. It’s supposed to look grungy. Just give ‘er a lick of paint and presto! We’re back to dancing!).

So on Friday I saw my friend’s band Version 88 at The Spice of Life in Soho. It was a cute little venue. Who knew? Not me…anyway. I got to talking to the drummer - and when you think drummer, you think of Wilco’s Heavy Metal Drummer - you know “She used to go see on the landing in the summer, She fell in love with a drummer”? Well I didn’t fall in love and I didn’t really think of the song BUT the drummer, his name…his name….drum roll….was Wilco! How crazy cool was that? It was trust me.

Well. Hmm. I’ve come to realize when you’re in this state, you don’t feel much like writing or doing anything. I’ve tried. I’m trying really as I am still writing this thing. Maybe it’s just a distraction from bad television. Or I’m procrastinating when I should just go to bed. It is 1:30 after all in London town. Or I’m just wanting to chat and everyone back home is off enjoying Father’s day (happy father’s day dad!) and everyone here is sleeping. I even tried calling my sister but she’s off to play on a Frizbee team with hot guys. Some girls have all the luck.

Oh. I’m still sniffy by the way. My flatmate told me to blow my nose as snot is the only thing that turns her stomach when she’s eating (I guess it’s ok at any other time). Unfortunately I just blew it 2 minutes before. So no I’m not gross - just the blowing of the nose doesn’t work for me…damn you allergies! You’ve foiled me again.

Allergies...oh how I hate you.

It’s been allergy season for a while now, and you know what I think? I think it sucks. I have had kleenex (or tissue as they call it in England) stuffed up my nose for the past - oh I don’t know - 3 WEEKS! It’s not attractive. It’s not funny. It’s not how I want to spend my summer.

Supposedly there’s this big cloud of seed and dust that came over from mainland Europe to settle on England. So either that is a fabrication that is supposed to enduce us to hate the rest of Europe so we don’t take on the Euro (like the whole African Killer bees thing that goes on in American News - give you 3 guesses who they want you to hate…) OR it’s true. Either way it sucks. Com’on doctors you can do better than this sucky Benedryl or Claritin especially at £10 a pop. You think I’m made of money? And does it work? No. Not really. There’s kleenex up my nose for god’s sake.

Argh. My eyes, my eyes. Screw the ladies only itch their eyes with their elbows crap. I’m scratching. And I’ll keep it up until this “hayfever season” is over. Only 63 days and counting…

I made a word today

Sometimes I wonder what Shakespeare’s friends said to him. I mean it mustn’t be easy to communicate with the people you know and love and want to buy you pints after the show when you’re making up so many god damn words. I thought I’d give it a try. Actually I often give it a try in poems.

Joe: Ummmm…Heather?

Heather: Yes Joe.

Joe: Scrumptalicious isn’t a word.

Heather: It isn’t?

Joe: No.

Heather: But it sure sounds good.

Joe: It’s not a word.

Heather: Say it with me….Scumptalicious….Scrumptalicious….

Joe: No.

Heather: Scrumptalicious…

Joe: You want another beer?

You see, I’ve had many conversations like that (except I don’t drink beer any more…only red wine for me bay-bee! No…I’m not French…just…um…health conscience?) but not in a long long time, until today. Today I used a word never been seen before in the English langauge. And I will dub thee “toxicness.” My friend Duncan retorted with “well I hope you’re not feeling to hurtansadfullness after converspeaking to duncsme” Granted I like the word converspeaking (don’t tell him…it’ll just make him think it is his idea). Still “toxicness” is the word of the day. It’s my blog, I invented it so there’s no other way around it.

So really I could be another Shakespeare, couldn’t I?

Couldn’t I?

Beuller?

Beuller?

Anyone?

Almost a year...

Yes. Almost an anniversary, but not quite. Not since the blog’s creation of course but rather since I’ve actually written on this thing! Can you believe it. There goes my dreams of book deals and popularity amongst the many bloggers out there.

I am sad.

I am a blog-loser (or Blogser as it now shall be called).